sids blog

Is it even possible to love someone unconditionally?

But what is unconditional love?

I love you. I care deeply about you. But I don’t want you to behave a certain way to make me feel complete.

• It’s free, not clingy.
• It’s giving, not owning.
• It’s when your love doesn’t depend on whether they choose you, stay with you, or even love you back.
• It’s parents letting their child grow as he wants, letting him follow his dreams, not imposing their will and desires on him.

I think you can only love unconditionally when you feel complete on your own—when you don’t need anything from anyone. Love is an act of service.

We confuse love with attachment.

Attachment leads to suffering. When you get attached to something, you expect it to stay the same. You say: don’t change, don’t grow apart, don’t go too far. If you go, I will be really sad.

But if you notice, everything around you is changing—people, situations, places, even you yourself. Nothing stays the same. You’re not the same person you were a year ago. You needed different things back then, and you need different things now. The only permanence in life is impermanence. In such a reality, if you get attached to something, what do you think is going to happen? It leads to suffering.

Attachment says, “You must make me feel okay.” Love says, “I already feel okay, and I offer you this love.”

You can deeply love someone today and still let them go tomorrow—with peace and grace.

Different things work for different people. There is no single right way. I think unconditional love is the right thing for me. I care about my suffering, and I don’t want my peace and happiness to be dependent on external things—whether people, places, or even my own self-identity.

The only thing I control is myself. Everything else, at most, I can try to accept. Naval said, “Desire is a contract you make with yourself to be unhappy until you  get what you want.” I think it makes sense, then, to desire things that are within your control—so at least you can do something about it. 

Detachment is not being cold or uncaring. it’s not being overly invested in the outcome. or letting external situations define your self worth. 

I hope you choose to cultivate more love in your life. The kind that sets you free.